How to Handle a Pattern of Negative Behavior on Your Team—Without Losing Trust

Jun 10

Have you ever found yourself avoiding a conversation you know needs to happen?

Maybe it’s with the team member who always has a passive-aggressive tone during meetings. Or the one who keeps missing deadlines with vague excuses. At first, it’s a one-off. But over time, it becomes a pattern. And if you’re being honest, it’s starting to impact the team—maybe even your own energy.

Here’s the hard truth: Negative behavior rarely disappears on its own. In fact, according to Gallup, 70% of the variance in team engagement is directly tied to the manager. That means how you lead through these moments will determine whether performance improves—or deteriorates further.

So, what do you do when you notice a negative pattern in an employee?

You initiate what I call the Being Better conversation.

Avoiding It Doesn’t Help—It Hurts

According to Gallup, only 2 in 10 employees strongly agree that their performance is managed in a way that motivates them to do outstanding work. That’s not a talent issue. It’s a leadership communication issue.

Many leaders hesitate to address patterns of negative behavior or underperformance. Why? Because they don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings. Because they fear the person might leave. Because confrontation is uncomfortable.

But avoiding the conversation doesn’t help the person grow. It doesn’t protect the team. And it doesn’t make you a better leader.

In fact, when you ignore patterns, you reinforce them. You send the message that "this is okay."

That erodes trust. Not just with the individual, but with everyone watching you lead.

Leadership isn’t about keeping the peace—it’s about creating an environment where people can grow. And sometimes that means telling someone, “You’re capable of better—and I care enough to say something.”

Pattern Recognition Isn't Personal Judgment

The Being Better conversation is not about “calling someone out.” It’s about holding up a mirror, compassionately and clearly, to help someone see what they might not be seeing—and giving them the chance to rise.

We're not talking about one-off slipups. It’s for recurring behavior or performance issues—things that, if left unaddressed, will hurt team culture, collaboration, and results.

This could show up as:

Repeatedly missing deadlines
Moody or cynical energy in meetings
Undermining leadership
Refusing feedback
Disengaging from team efforts

And guess what? Most of the time, they don’t even realize it’s a problem.

This kind of conversation is brave. It takes vulnerability. It requires clear facts, not opinions. It involves sharing the impact—on people, on results, on trust.

And here’s the key: if it’s done with care and clarity, it builds the relationship, not breaks it.

The Five Steps to Leading a “Being Better” Conversation

When you notice a pattern of behavior or performance that needs attention, here’s how to structure the conversation:

Situation – Describe what’s been happening with clear facts, not assumptions.
Observation – Share the observable behavior in a neutral, non-judgmental way.
Impact – Explain how this behavior is affecting others, results, or trust.
Explore – Invite their perspective. Ask questions. Let them process and respond.
Action – Support them in crafting the path forward. What does “better” look like?

A true leader doesn’t just critique—they coach.

A Real-World Example

One client I worked with—a newly promoted executive leader—was unknowingly intimidating her team. She had been hired to “fix” a failing department, and her style was directive, blunt, and intense.

Her team felt micromanaged and disrespected. No one had the courage to say it—until our coaching revealed the extent of the issue.

We initiated a Being Better conversation. She cried when she heard the feedback—but leaned in. Together, we rewrote her leadership narrative. She went on to rebuild trust and now leads one of the highest-performing teams in her division.

Why? Because someone held up a mirror and gave her a chance to be better.

What Will You Do Next?

If you’ve got someone on your team who needs to hear this, here’s my challenge:

Don’t wait. The longer the pattern goes unaddressed, the harder it becomes to reverse.
Start the conversation. Use the 5-step framework above to guide you.
Lead with care. The goal is to help them grow, not make them feel small.

And if you’re the one who needs a mirror moment? That’s brave too. We all have blind spots. Initiating your own “Being Better” conversation is leadership in its most courageous form.

Want To Go Deeper?

The "Being Better" conversation is part of my signature Five Tough Talks® framework—a powerful communication tool used by thousands of leaders in high-stakes environments to elevate team alignment, strengthen trust, and improve culture, communication, and performance.

Whether you're navigating conflict, clarifying expectations, or helping someone rise to their potential, each of the Five Tough Talks® offers a structured and compassionate way to lead through challenge with clarity and courage.

If this resonated, I’d love to help you bring the Five Tough Talks® to life inside your team or organization.

Here's how you and your team can go deeper on the Five Tough Talks®:

Because when you help someone be better—you’re not just fixing a problem.

You’re creating a breakthrough.

Nicole Bianchi