Why Shared Language Is the Secret to Better Communication (and Culture) at Work
Let me ask you a question: When was the last time someone at work said something that meant one thing to them… and a completely different thing to you?
Maybe they said, “Can I give you some feedback?” and your stomach did a somersault.
Or “Let’s table that,” and you thought, “Forever? Or until next Tuesday?”
Or “We’re all aligned,” and you’re sitting there wondering, On what planet?!
This happens more than we realize. And it’s not because we’re "bad communicators", it’s because we’re often speaking different languages, even when we’re using the same words.
That’s where the magic of shared language comes in. My clients tell me over and over again that this is one of the most transformative parts of my Five Tough Talks® framework.
Why Shared Language Matters (and What It Sounds Like IRL)
When a team shares common language, communication becomes smoother, faster, braver, and less weird. It becomes easier to say the hard thing, ask for help, or raise your hand when something’s off.
Here’s what shared language sounds like in real workplaces using the Five Tough Talks®:
“I need to make an ask of you…”
“I think we need to get realigned. Should we schedule a How We Work conversation?”
“Remember what we learned in Nicole’s course? I need to ask you: what’s going on?”
“My Small Brave Move this week is telling you I’m overwhelmed.”
“We need to have a Being Better talk. Don’t worry, it’s coming from a good place.”
“Let’s revisit our rules, routines, and rhythms. I think we need better routines to support our goals."
"This feels misaligned with my personal leadership philosophy. Can we discuss a different approach?"
“Ugh, that was a slip, trip, or fall moment. I own it. Let's fix it together.”
“It's time for a ‘Moving On’ convo about that project—no drama, just closure.”
This is internal lingo in action. And yes, it may sound like code to outsiders (and that’s part of the beauty!). But inside the team, it creates a shared map. No one is guessing. There’s less tiptoeing, and more truth-telling.
Why It Works
Shared language is more than buzzwords, it’s a shortcut to trust and clarity. It gives everyone equal access to the conversation, especially when things get uncomfortable.
When leaders and teams use the Five Tough Talks®, they’re not just learning how to have tough conversations. They’re learning how to name them. As a result, having the conversations that matter most becomes more accessible, and more frequent, for everyone.
Teams that create their own code words or phrases make leading tough talks more accessible and less intimidating. This internal lingo not only eases communication barriers but also strengthens team identity and cohesion.
What Happens When You Have Shared Language
Communication gets clearer and more direct
Feedback becomes less scary and more frequent
Teams feel more psychologically safe (because no one’s left guessing)
There's a feeling of inclusion. Everyone knows the lingo, not just the leaders
People are more likely to speak up, ask for what they need, and support each other
Conflict doesn’t simmer, it gets addressed, bravely and respectfully
Shared language creates a culture of clarity and courage. People know what the words mean and what the intention is behind them. It’s less about decoding and more about connecting.
What Happens When You Don’t
Misinterpretation becomes the norm (aka “He said X, but I thought he meant Y”)
Tough conversations get avoided (because they’re too awkward to initiate)
People talk about each other, not to each other
Micro-conflicts escalate into full-on resentment
New hires feel like outsiders, unsure how to engage meaningfully
Leaders assume alignment that doesn’t actually exist
Let’s paint the picture:
One person says “urgent,” another hears “eventually.”
A request for “more ownership” lands as “you’re failing.”
Someone asks for feedback and gets… crickets.
Everyone’s walking on eggshells because no one knows how to say the hard thing.
Without a shared vocabulary, communication becomes a game of telephone. Messages get lost, misinterpreted, or worse… never said at all.
It’s exhausting, confusing, and undermines even the best intentions.
What My Clients Say
This isn’t theory. This is lived experience from teams I've worked with.
My clients constantly tell me that after learning the Five Tough Talks® framework, the biggest shift they notice isn’t just in what’s said, but how easy it becomes to say it.
They walk away with actual phrases, code words, and conversational shortcuts that make brave communication more natural. Internal lingo that’s totally unique to them and yet powerful enough to transform culture from the inside out.
After a recent Five Tough Talks® workshop, one leader told me:
“This gave us a common language we didn’t know we were missing. Now, even when things get tense, we can say, ‘Hey, I think it’s time for a ‘What's Going On?’ conversation,’ and people get excited to explore solutions instead of shutting down.”
Another client said:
“Our team has code words now. I’ve heard people say, ‘I’m about to make a Small Brave Move, wish me luck!’ And they cheer each other on. It's been game changing for our team culture."
That’s what my work is all about. Courage that's contagious, conversations that connect, and brave communication that feels less like a performance and more like a practice.
Ready to Get Your Team on the Same Page?
If you’re craving clearer communication, better alignment, and fewer “Wait… what do you mean?” moments, this is your invitation.
You can:
✅ Dive into the Five Tough Talks® book
✅ Enroll in the Five Tough Talks® Online Course
✅ Book me for a Keynote or Workshop
Let’s create a workplace where tough talks aren’t avoided, they’re embraced, and where shared language turns “hard conversations” into powerful connection points.
Because if we want people to show up bravely, we’ve got to make it easier for them to speak up in the first place.