Being Better: The Brave Way to Challenge a Team Member to Rise
You’ve seen it before - someone on your team who was once reliable and energized starts missing the mark.
Maybe it’s subtle: a shift in tone, a string of missed deadlines, or a noticeable dip in motivation. Sometimes, you can feel it, even if you can’t yet name it.
You tell yourself, “Maybe it’s just a bad week.” But weeks turn into patterns. And suddenly, you’re carrying their weight - or worse, the team is feeling it too.
This is your cue for a Being Better conversation.
Not to call them out, but to call them up. Not to criticize, but to care enough to confront. Not to shame, but to shape growth.
Let me share something personal.
During a particularly challenging season in a former CHRO role, I was traveling weekly, trying to lead an acquisition integration, and feeling completely stuck. I didn’t realize how much I had spiraled until my husband, with kindness and concern, sat me down and told me, “You need to be better. For us. For the kids. For yourself.”
His words weren’t cruel. They were kind. Direct. Brave.
It wasn’t an easy truth to hear, but it was a pivotal moment. It gave me the clarity and courage to launch my own business, and was the catalyst for the speaking and coaching career I have today.
Here’s what I’ve learned: when people aren’t at their best, they usually know it deep down, but they often don’t know how to get back.
That’s where you come in.
So what happens when leaders ignore behavior or performance shifts?
Small issues grow into trust fractures.
Results slip while resentment builds.
Culture erodes - because people notice when no one speaks up.
But exceptional leaders? They don’t just notice - they step in. They challenge. From a place of care. From a place of belief.
They lead what I call a Being Better conversation.
How to Lead a Brave “Being Better” Conversation
When you recognize that someone’s performance or behavior has shifted into a negative pattern, don’t wait. The longer you delay the conversation, the more damage it can cause to relationships, results, and trust.
Here’s the 5-step process I teach in my Five Tough Talks® Framework to bravely lead a Being Better conversation:
Situation – Describe the pattern of behavior or performance you're seeing. Stick to facts, not feelings.
Observation – Share what you've noticed without judgment or assumption.
Impact – Explain how their actions are affecting others, the team, or the business.
Explore – Ask for their perspective. Give them space to share honestly.
Action – Co-create a plan to move forward. Let them lead in crafting solutions.
When done well, this conversation becomes a catalyst - not a conflict.
Our Job as Leaders
It’s our responsibility to know what our team members are capable of and to notice when they’re not operating at that level. When we do, we have two choices:
Let it slide and silently shift our expectations
Call them up to their full potential - with care, with courage, and with clarity
That’s the power of the Being Better conversation.
It’s not a scolding.
It’s not a write-up.
It’s an act of leadership.
Here’s what I want you to remember:
Most people don’t want to underperform
Many don’t know how far off-track they’ve drifted
And nearly all will rise when they feel seen and supported
When a leader has the courage to say, “This isn’t your best - and I believe you can do better,” it creates a ripple effect.
Who Needs This Conversation From You?
Look across your team.
Who’s coasting instead of growing?
Who’s showing signs of disengagement or burnout?
Who’s not living up to the potential you know they have?
Leadership isn’t just about celebrating the wins. It’s also about stepping into the hard, brave moments that help people become who they were meant to be.
If you or your team want to get better at leading these moments, here are four ways to go deeper:
📖 Read the book – Five Tough Talks: How to Lead Brave Conversations for Exceptional Results.
🎤 Book the keynote – I deliver high-energy, inspirational, and interactive speeches that blend humor with tools that are immediately actionable.
🧠 Host a workshop – Bring me in to coach your leadership team live, this is where we roll up our sleeves and do the deep work to elevate communication, culture, and performance.
💻 Enroll in the online course – Enroll yourself or your team in my self-paced online video course where I take the Five Tough Talks framework deeper than ever before.
Your Challenge This Week:
Identify one person you know needs a Being Better conversation.
Schedule time to talk and use the 5-step process above.
Lead with care, courage, and a clear path forward.
You’ve got this.